Noner Says

...do voo doo on you
I've taken MANY MANY MANY hours to convert this icon BY HAND into a cross stitch pattern:

Tomorrow I start stitching.
How long do you think it'll take me?

The rescue rat didn't survive the night.

Details are at http://yummydown.com/rattitude

(this one is REALLY long.  I give you cyber cookies if you managed to read it all)

Okay, so today I started pondering.

If you’re a reader of my blog you’ll no doubt know that when I ponder I usually get depressed and whiny, much like last nights woe is me birthday post.  Todays pondering didn’t really go that way....though it did leave me craving fried chicken and ice cream which is odd considering...

So, this is not meant to sound whiny or self pitying.  This is just me trying to work some things out because I can’t afford a real therapist or anti-depressant drugs like I probably need.

It turned into kind of an autobiography

FEEL FREE TO COMMENT.

Today I pondered about self-esteem.

Self esteem is something I lack.  No, I don’t have “Low Self Esteem” I have NO self esteem.  None at all.

At some point in my life I realized that everyone hated me.  I think it was around 3rd grade, by which time if someone spoke to me it was to make a cruel joke at my expense.  School was hell for me.  If I ever go to a class reunion it will probably be to ask, “Why were you all so fucking mean to me!?  What did I ever do to you!?”

That changed a little by high school.  I actually had a few friends.  Only, none of them were in MY grade.  They were either under or upper-classmen.

It was too late by then.  I KNEW everyone hated me.  I still KNOW everyone hates me.  That includes friends, family and random people that don’t even know me.  I KNOW that people talk about me behind my back.  (I’ve actually HEARD some of the nasty stuff said behind my back at work, on account of they were not very quiet about it and I was working on the next aisle over)

Part of me, a small part of me, tries to tell me I’m full of shit.  She tries to tell me not everyone hates me.  Surely people wouldn’t talk to me, smile at me, laugh with me if they hated me.

Then I remind that small part that these same people are just really good actors and that the second I’m out of ear shot they are laughing at me behind my back.

This has gotten worse over the years and I’ve begun distancing myself from everyone.  I don’t talk to my family much any more, or any of my old friends, even though I miss them all horribly.  I’ve lived in Savannah for about 6 years now and I have made no lasting friendships.  I still send Jason messages on myspace sometimes but other than the people I talk to at work thats it.

There are a few people at work I’d LOVE to be closer friends with.  Spend more time with outside of work.  Feel like I’m part of something again instead of just being outside looking in.  But I end up not doing or saying the things that should be done to build a friendship.  I keep turning down invitations to spend time with them outside of work.

Because I’m afraid of getting close, then getting hurt.  After all, eventually everyone moves on with their lives.  They’ll get married and start familys that I’m not a part of.  They’ll get tired of Michaels and leave.  They’ll finish school and go back to their hometown.  They’ll wake up one day and just decide to never speak to me again.  They’ll (god forbid) die on me like Monica did.  Then it will just be me, alone, friendless again.

So, again back when I was in the early grades of school, I became aware of this empty hole inside of me.  I also  discovered food.  I enjoyed food.  It was a nice, happy, good thing.  And when I was eating that hole didn’t feel so big and empty.  In fact, when I was eating I felt okay.  Everything was going to be alright.....as long as I was eating.

When I WASN’T eating I wasn’t experiencing that pleasure and that empty hole was there, big and black, waiting to be filled again.

So I ate, and I ate, and I ate, and I ate and.....I got fat.

If I had a hard time making friends before, if I was already the underdog that they whole grade picked on, it only got worse the fatter I got.  After all, the whole world hates fat people, and kids hate with a special unbridled hate that most adults learn to hide.  Kids just let it all out.

They all hated me before.  They REALLY hated me now.

*Me in 8th Grade

So, here I go, hitting adolescence being a rather rotund girl wearing hand-me-down shirts and elastic waist jeans from the wal-mart.  I had glasses and bad hair and all around me girls were discovering boys and boys were discovering girls, and the few friends I had at that point in life were all paring off with the loves of their lives, and there I was...alone....again.

I wanted a boyfriend.  Desperately.

At that point a guy wouldn’t even admit to being FRIENDS with me, most less consent to be a boyfriend.

Thus began a series of crushes that lasts until this very day.  I still crush like a schoolgirl, safe in the knowledge that I never expect them to like me back.  2 of those crushes turned into actual love (on my part, not theirs)      People I still pine for and daydream my “what if” daydreams about.

I’m 27 years old now and I have had exactly 3 boyfriends.

The first one, the one I lost my virginity to (and boy did THAT lead to some family drama), would come around once every few months or so.  Then one day a friend brought me a newspaper clipping of HIS WEDDING ANNOUNCEMENT.  He never came around again after that.

Then there was a few more years of alone-ness.

And I discovered the internet.

The internet was great.  I got into chat-rooms.  Message boards.  Yahoo groups.  I made guy friends from around the world.  People I could talk to online, call occasionally, and KNOW that they would drop out of my life because internet people are not real people, right?  They are like high tech imaginary friends.  If one of them dissapears there are a few million to replace them.

I am a much different person online than I am in person.  I say things I’d never say to someone’s face.  I’m more myself.  The internet-me has much more self esteem than the real me.

Because there is no fear of rejection online.  The rejection is still there, it just isn’t as painful.  Isn’t as REAL as having an actual person laugh in your face and call you stupid.

But more time passed, more people coupled off.  More people left my life.  I got fatter.  I got more lonely.

Then I got desperate and placed an internet personals ad.  Only 2 people responded.  (Further strengthens my knowledge that everyone hates me)

Then came Jay.  Jay, who came around for a few weeks.  Then dropped off the face of the earth...much like the first guy.  No calls.  No e-mails.  No telling me to get bent.  Just....nothing.

Then there was Robert.

I was insanely desperate then.  I expected him to dissapear too.  He didn’t.  He came to visit every weekend for moths.  Then proposed.

I said yes, not sure if I meant it but sure I didn’t want to be alone.  And here I still am, 6 years later.

*Me at the beach June 21, 2008

I’m still convinced that nobody REALLY likes me.
I’m still mostly alone.
I still turn to food to fill that big empty spot inside of me, so I’m still fat.

I topped off last year at a whopping 230 pounds.  I lost 20 of pounds and 2 pant sizes.  Gained 1 pound back.  Not to bad of a ratio, but 211 isn’t that much smaller than 230.

Like food, fat has become a friend, only it’s a love/hate relationship.  I love that I can blame my fat for the reason everyone hates me.  Okay, so there are plenty of fat people out there who have tons of friends.  So maybe it really is ME that everyone hates.  But I’ll still blame it on the fat.

Only, I’m still trying to lose the fat.  But at the same time I sabotage myself because if I lose the fat and everyone still hates me, then I can’t blame the fat anymore.

I still hide on the interent too.  I spend HOURS online.  I talk to people I know in real life online.  I talk to them MORE online.  My safe spot.  My curtain.  If I’m rejected online, the real-life me can pretend it never happened.

Anyway, re-reading this I see that I not only have No self esteem I also apparantly have more than a small bit of paranoia.

So, through a series of small talk with different people, I’ve realized I have to do something about this no-self-esteem thing because I really am VERY tired of being alone and feeling like everyone hates me and having no-one to talk to.

I’ve got to stop being afraid to be MYSELF in front of people.  I’ve got to stop being afraid of being laughed at and being called stupid.  If I can’t get over the fear of being laughed at, I’ll never know what its like to be laughed WITH again.

As for the paranoia, I may never get over the feeling that people are talking about me behind my back, but I suppose that better than when I was in school and they used to do it inf ront of my face.  At least now I can pretend it doesn’t happen.

Maybe.

So, the fix....

One website said I should ask for hugs.  I can check that one off the list cause I work with 2 of the best huggers in the world.

Other than that I’m at a loss.

Okay, now its your turn...if you’ve managed to read all 4 pages and 2000 words of this, then advise me on how to fix myself!

Robert drug me out of bed at the ungodly hour of 11:30 this morning so we could go to see a movie.

So, around 12:40 we stumble up the steps in a dark theater (the previews had started) and sat in one of the empty seats to see Prince Caspian.  We were the ONLY people in the theater.  Okay, there was one other person in there, way up in the very back row.

Well, about 10 or 15 minutes after the movie started a group of 4 (3 girls and one guy) come in and sit....RIGHT NEXT TO ME!  Not one row ahead or one row behind.  Not even one seat between us.  In this entirely empty theater these people decide to sit in the seat right beside mine.

Then two of the girls start chatting with each other.

I’m getting highly annoyed by this point, but I didn’t say anything.  I never say anything.  I’m just too nice like that.

Finally one other girl with the group shouts, “OH MY GOD, WOULD YOU SHUT UP!”

The girls fell silent.  All was peaceful for a while.

Then in the last 40 minutes or so left one of the girls starts playing with her cell phone.  Every minute or two she’d flip it open.

Trust me, when you’re sitting in a dark theater those screens are bright and very attention drawing.  Imagine trying to watch a movie with someone shining a flashlight on the side of your face every 60 seconds.  Yeah, it was that annoying to me.

Then, god help us all, SHE CALLED SOMEONE!!!! She dialed that damn cell phone and started talking to someone.  This time no one told her to shut up.

Theaters should find some way to block the signal of all phones in the auditoriums.  If you MUST call someone in the middle of a movie, go to the bathroom or something for crying out loud.

There should be a 12 step program for cell phone addicts.

Meanwhile, in cell phone related news, Stephen King’s novel, “Cell” has been acquired by Dimension Films who have set Eli Roth to direct it.

I’m not sure how I feel about that.  Roth also directed Cabin Fever and Hostel.  While Hostel did make my favorite movie list, Cabin Fever is only watchable in the sence that its an awful horror flick and I’m a fan of awful horror.

 I love King’s novels, but I’m rarely happy with the movie adaptions.  Shawshank Redemption and The Green Mile are two I loved.  The Shining with Jack Nicholson is one I hated.  Most everything else falls in between.  Though I will admit I’ve liked some of the newer ones well enough.

Here are the rules to play the Flicker Meme:A. Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr Search.B. Using only the first page, pick an image.C. Copy and paste each of the URLs for the images into Mosaic Maker.01. What is your first name?02. What is your favorite food?03. What high school did you go to?04. What is your favorite color?05. Who is your celebrity crush?06. Favorite drink?07. Dream vacation?08. Favorite dessert?09. What you want to be when you grow up?10. What do you love most in life?11. One Word to describe you.12. Your flickr name.

Here I was all revved up to get back to serious blogging and my blog host seems to be down.

On the bright side, having multiple blogs means I’ll always have somewhere to park my internet fanny.  -grin-

I’ve already posted a poem at Noner’s Notebook tonight.  My poetry might be bad, but at least its blogging.

I’ll try to remember to post this over at Nablopomo and Blog365, and also at my multiply blog until YummY! Down on This comes back.

Meanwhile, I’m tired.  It was a hard day today and they added an extra hour to our usual Sunday schedule for a “4 hour Madness” coupon.  Madness it was.

I had somethign else I had planned to blog about, but now I can’t remember what it was for the life of me.

Oh well.  Life goes on.

Now, I’m going to go wash dishes then take a bath.

*Click on the pictures to see the HUGE version.  The ant on the grass blade is worth it*



Playing with my camera again today.

I went outside meaning to take pictures of the dandelion puffs in the sunshine.  I did take some pictures of them, but got distracted by the small ant hills.  And the ants.



I started out this year meaning to do a photo a day.  That lasted less than a month I think.  I also seriously slacked off on my Blog365.  So, I want to start trying to blog every day for the next 6 months.  Or at the very least I want to blog every day for at least one month.  (I've not finished a month yet) with NaBloPoMo

I appear to lack sticktoitivness.

July is one of those "novel in a month" months.  Not THE novel in a month.  I need to get in the the habit of writing SOMETHING every day.  Guess I should practice by blogging all june.

I've read 7 books since I last posted an update:

Book 15: “Tailchaser’s Song” by Tad Williams

Inspired by his wife’s cats, Williams creates a story told from the POV of cats. Fritti Tailchaser is alarmed when his girlfriend, Hushpad, disappears.  While questing to find her, Fritti and his friends Pouncequick and Eatbugs find themselves tangled in problems that effect not only Tailchaster and Hushpad, but all of cat kind.

Book 16: “Coyote” by Linda Barnes

PI Carlotta Carlyle is approached by a woman who claims the green card found on an unidentified dead woman belongs to her.  She only wants it back.  Then she disappears.  Carlotta finds herself involved in a tangled web of illegal immigrants and dirty NSA agents.  Meanwhile, she suspects something is wrong with her little sister Paolina, but can’t get her to open up.

Book 17: “Bunnicula” by Deborah and James Howe

I had read one of the bunnicula books when I was younger (it was “Nighty Nightmare”) but had never actually read Bunnicula, until I justh appened to see it on the library shelf while I was browsing kid books, so I grabbed it.

In Bunnicula, a family finds a baby rabbit abandoned at the movie theater and bring it home.  After that, the familys vegetables suddenly start turning white, as if drained of all their juice.

The family cat, Chester, knows the truth.  Bunnicula (the bunny) is a vampire!  He sets forth to put an end to the vegetable draining critter.

Harold, the family dog, however, befriends the bunny and tries to protect it from his friend Chester.

It is a cute read, a must for every childs shelf once they reach “chapter book” reading level.

Book 18: “Flamboyant” by Elizabeth Swados

Chana, an Orthodox Jew, takes a job at a secular school, the finds out that all of her students are homosexuals.  She befriends the most “normal” girl in her class who calls herself Flamboyant.  Then Gerard, jealous of Flamboyant’s special attention toward Chana, exposes her most protected and shameful secret in front of everyone, including Chana.

Now Chana had to make a choice that goes against her religion and might put in and to her engagement as well.

Written in the style of journal entires, you see the details both from Chana’s and Flamboyants views and in their individual voices.

Book 19: “Tattoo Blues” by Michael McClelland

Clumsy Desiree accidently sets fire to a tattoo parlor while trying to confront its owner about a tattoo he gave her “He told her it meant ‘Golden Dragon’ when it fact he had copied it from a chinese menue and it meant ‘with hot sauce’”

Not only does the parlor burn down, but so does the topless chinese restruant next door, and the whole pier.  Now there is talk of buidling a casino, AND people are saying the ghost of a pirate ship and a fire breathing dragon are both in town to stop the casino from happening.

Meanwhile Desiree is missing, presumed dead, someone has killed Bambi, and Robin Chanterelles is ther with her photographer, Pincoushin, to report it all for the tabloid “The Weekly Alarm”.

But things are deeper than they seem.

Book 20: “Blue Wolf” by Lise McClendon

A wolf is shot by a rancher in Yellowstone.  He claims it was self defense and seems very sorry it had to happen.  Meanwhile an artist friend of Alix Thorssen asks her to look into the death of a boy that happened 25 years ago.  Somehow that old death seems connected to the recent killing of the wolf.  Alix is determined to find out how all the pieces fit together.

Book 21: “Kaleidoscope Eyes” by Karen Ball

Annie Justice has a condition that causes her to see things differently than most people.  Numbers and letters have a color to her.  She uses her colors in her garden and in her stained glass art.  But Annie and her dog Kodi are also known as the “Wonder Team”.  A K9 Search and Rescue team that can find anyone.

Now she is being sent “poision pen letters” but she doesn’t know by who.  And Jed Curry of the reality show “Everyday Heros” wants her on his show and wont take no for an answer.

While trying to find out who is harassing her, and sort through the feelings she has for Jed, a child goes out missing and she is called into her most important search ever.

Sinusitis became a sore throat which became a double ear infection which became a chest cold which is turning into bronchitis.  All this despite the antibiotics I’m taking 500mg 3 times a day.

I don’t recall encountering a face hugger, but I’m pretty sure a baby alien will be bursting from my chest at any moment.

I’m feeling like I want to try an art journal.  Particularly collage and paper dolls.  I don’t know why.

I need a new journal though.  A large sturdy unlined one with a plain cover I can decorate.  Trying to convince hubby we need a trip to B&N I can usually find pretty good ones there.

Today, while my MOD was pulling my cash drawer so I could go home, a man came up to the register.  The MOD told him the register was closed and he just stood there.

“Oh,” my MOD said, “Is that your husband?”

At that point the guy got a look on his face that was a mixture of horror and disgust and said, “GOD, NO!”

Yeah, that was a little ego damaging, though I was able to laugh at it.

Written from a prompt in the a_place_of_ones_own yahoo group.

The prompt was "scent"

=-=-=-=-=

This is a world full of things, and things are full of smell and smells are full of memories.

The smell of cucumber melon lotions and perfumes make me think of my friend Monica.  It was her favorite scent.

The smell of a dryers exhaust, heat and dryer sheets, reminds me of my Aunt Mattie for some reason.

The smell of coffee and Pepsi make me think of my dad.

Cut grass reminds me of watermelon and watermelon reminds me of summers with my cousins Tim and Marla, swimming and eating watermelon then swimming more to get the juice off of us because we often got into watermelon fights and seed spitting contests.

I love the smell of mens aftershave and cologne, but hardly get to smell it because my husband claims he is allergic.  He just doesn’t like the smell.  Sometimes someone will come in the store who smells REALLY nice and I just want to follow them around and sniff them.

I love the smell of vanilla, wood smoke, and the smell of bookstores with coffeeshop s inside of them.

I also enjoy the scent of gas.  Oddly I always have.  I used to roll the window of my dad’s truck down when he was pumping gas and just breath deeply of the smell.

I love the smell of my rats and my cat, but not so much the smell of my dogs, espically when they are hot, or wet, or both.

I dislike the smell of carpet cleaner and lysol makes me gag.  I hate the smell of the marsh, (I tell my husband it smells like frog farts) and I don’t care much for the smells of cooking salmon or cabbage.

I hate the smell of cooking chitterlings, but love the way they taste.  Its funny how many things taste exactly the way they smell.  Because of that I almost never tried the chitterlings.

I like the smell of a sweaty man.  Not the smell of after exercise sweat or someone who never bathes, but the smell of a man who has put in a hard days work.

Those are some of my scent related memories, likes and dislikes.  Care to share yours?

It can be heard on Youtube HERE.

You, there on the bridge
where have you been, whats your name?
and you, there you on the wall
where will you go to once you fall?
you, lost at sea
do you need me, do you need directions?
hey, put down the gun
what are you thinking?
you were someone's son

the taste of tears
the sting of pain
the smell of fear
the sounds of crying

a long, long time ago i fell to this place
from another dimesnion
and thrust amongst the beasts
and they way they behave borders on dementia
now through all these years
i can barely take it
i don't think i can make it
take me away from here
I want to go home

i'm so sick and tired of the
the taste of tears
the sting of pain
the smell of fear
the sounds of crying
as you standing at the edge of your life
what do you remember?
was it all you wanted?

I'm trying to earn a set of feathery wings
i wish i could protect you here
oh, please don't cry
now smile as you're standing
at the edge of your life
your troubles are over
mine are just beginning
I'm trying to earn a set of feathery wings
to take me away from here
its me you leave behind

if only i could have been there
i'd be a hand for the sinking
if only i could have been there
i'd be a prayer for the dying
see the pain etched in my face

i'm so sick and tired of
the taste of tears
the sting of pain
the smell of fear
the sounds of crying
as you're standing at the edge of your life
what do you remember was it all you wanted

I'm trying to earn a set of feathery wings
i wish i could protect you here
oh, please don't cry
now smile as you're standing
at the edge of your life
your troubles are over
mine are just beginning

I'm trying to earn a set of feathery wings
to take me away from here
its me you leave
you're gone from here
don't leave from here
don't leave me here
I hate it here
you're gone from here
don't leave me here
I need you here
I need to see you smile

Tonight, around 11pm, I went outside to put a load of towels in the washer.  Walking back to the porch, a shadowy something ran under my feet.  I almost fell down trying not to step on the shadow as I didn't know what it might be.

I put the towels inside, grabbed my camera and went back out to investigate.  I found this:

He blends in quite well, doesn't he?

I picked him up and carried him into the well lit room and set him on top of the dryer so I could get a better picture.

Big tough looking fella, isn't he.

Its funny (to me) that he looks so tough, or is trying to look tough, and he nearly made me fall and hurt myself.  I say its funny because yesterday I watched parts of a movie called Frogs...in which toads seem to be leading a reptile/amphibian attack on humans.

Unfortunately for him, his tough act didn't scare me a bit.  I have no problem with toads.  So I played with this one a while.

When he threatened to jump behind the dryer and thus get stuck in the pantry, I decided to put him back under the bush I found him under.

I'm surprised that I didn't get peed on at any point while giving the poor toad a hard time.  They do have a tendency to piss in self defense.

At which point he hid in a corner and played the "If I can't see you, you can't see me" game.

=-=-=-=-=-=

Today I slept until sometime around 12:30.  I don't remember actually DOING anything today.  I know I was online a little.  We watched an episode of the Super Mario Bros 3 cartoon.

Robert and I played Stratego (he won), then we played Wheel of Fortune (I won) and Jeopardy (he won) on the PS2.

My brother called me to brag about his new toy (XM radio) and tell me I needed to call Daddy.

My origional plan had been to spend this week saying at my dads, and he was wondering why I wasn't there.  So I called Daddy and told him that due to Roberts 4 doctor visits and our dying fridge, all our money was gone and I woudln't be coming down.

He sounded dissapointed.

I WAS disappointed.

After supper, his mom came over and we played several more games.  Scooby Doo Clue (Robert won), Scrabble (Robert Won), Uno (my MIL won), Word Thief (Robert won), Boggle (I won), Scattergories (I won), Pirates Dice (my MIL won) and Old Maid (I was the old maid.)

Tomorrow we've got to take Boomer to the vet the shopping for a fridge.  Tuesday we're going to buy something Robert wants at Best Buy, hopefully going to the librarly, then doing more fridge shopping if we don't find one at where we are going Monday.

Wednesday I've been invited to...Well, I'm not entrely sure WHAT I've been invited to, but the invitation read:

Screw your "Screw it"! We'll watch Silent Hill this week!!! What are you doink wednesday? R has off, I have off, you have off... Silent hill, Sweeney Todd, Boggle, ice cream, gore!!! (not Al). (interrupted by R, but yeaH). I (P) am actually a H U G E Silent Hill nerd. I (R) have never actually seen this, but am open to watching anything. WEDNESDAY YOU ARE OOOOOUUUURRRRRSSSSS!!!!11!!!!!11!!! *psycho music* (P-R) (public relations)

Robert won't tell me if HE has any plans for me on Wednesday, so I can't RSVP quite yet.

1. Thug ::  Punk
2. Slurp :: lick
3. Alley ::  oop
4. Sweater vest ::  nerd
5. Targeted ::  sighted
6. Snazzy ::  sharp
7. Oy! ::  vey
8. Jury duty ::  pauly shore
   
9. Low fat :: diary
10. Responsibility ::  sucks

I started my vacation by staying up way to late to finish reading a novel that had gotten good.  I didn’t turn off the lights until near 4am this morning.

Robert woke me around 10:30 when he decided to walk the dogs.

Insert a little internet time here.

Then we watched a couple of episodes of A Pup Named Scooby Doo.  I napped a little while it was on.

While watching them Robert finally gave in and too the Cipro that he swore he would not take because he didn’t like the side effects.  Shortly after taking it he began to manifest one, single, solitary side effect......he got sleepy.

Now I don’t know about you, but I quite often get sleepy when I take antibiotics.

Well, it sent Robert into a panic.  Then he swore his fingers were tingling, and he and I spent most of the next hour calling various doctors and pharmisists.

Meanwhile I’m concerned that Robert has developed an alarming case of hypochondria.  He’s had way to many dr visits lately, and none of them are finding anything wrong with him.  He keeps researching symptoms and side effects online, and then POOF he has them.  At one point he was convinced he has salmonella.

While he was in panic mode I made a pizza, and even though I followed the directions EXACTLY the pizza turned out crap.  My lunch sucked.

Anyway, all the doctors said he would be fine (I don’t think he beleived them) and I finally convinced him he would not die if he just SLEPT and would feel better for it afterwards.

He did (sleep), he didn’t (die) and he did (feel better).

I internetted while he slept.  When he woke up he put in an old horror movie called Frogs.  I got bored with it before anyone ever died and went to lay in bed and read.  Only, I fell asleep again.

Robert woke me at supper time.  His mom fried catfish.  She always fries catfish on Saturday.  Specially for Robert.

Since he was feeling better we went to return some movies to blockbuster, then I tried to find some playing cards at dollar tree.  I wanted two matching sets so we can play canasta.  They only had packs of two...two non matching packs.  I didn’t need 4 packs of cards so I didn’t buy them.

Came back home, Robert put Frogs back in.  He had apparantly stopped it while I napped.  So I played on pogo.com until it was over.

After that we watched Cloverfield, which was okay.  I think I would have liked it better if it wasn’t shot the way it was.

When it was over he put in Alien Vs. Predator Requium.  I told him I’d rather watch something I hadn’t seen before.  “Like what” he asked.  I rattled off a few movies I hadn’t seen (Silent Hill and Hostel 2 were on the list)

Suddenly he didn’t feel like watching anything.  He wanted to go to sleep.

I said, “Screw it.  I’ll watch Silent Hill with Tim next time he visits”

I get tired of having to watch all the movies I want to see alone.  If I want to watch a movie WITH him he has to be something HE picks out and we usually have different tastes in movies.  He tends to like comedys and chick flicks or sci-fi movies older than I am.  I tend to like bad horror and slasher movies, the more gore the better.

He’s not sleeping now, rather watching True Lies on tv while I washed dishes then sat over here to blog.

Tomorrow I think I’m going to lock myself in my craft room.  It needs a good cleaning.  I can watch Psych back there if he’s not taping something.  Maybe I’ll write or do some ATCs.

My thighs are killing me from last nights exercise.  I skipped tonight because of it.

Work was hell, as work normally is.  One of my mangers made a point of giving me a hard time all day as if trying to process the truck and deal with Friday shoppers wasn’t enough on my shoulders.

Thankfully today was my last day there until NEXT Friday.  I have a wonderful week off.

We’re not planing on doing anything as far as I know.  I WAS going home, but there have been 4 emergency doctor visits, a vet visit, and a dying refrigerator between when those plans were made a now, so that’s probably not going to happen.

It might be for the best.  I’m so mentally and physically exhausted that I think I just need a long time of NOTHING to unwind.

I just hope Robert doesn’t get in one of  his “male PMS” moods and make the week so bad that I wish I was at work.

Its been known to happen.